Most of us have been chucked, dumped, ditched and jilted since we were teenagers. Very few lucky people have never experienced the heart-wrenching, sickening low that follows the ultimate rejection by someone you love. In a way, being chucked can be worse than bereavement! When someone you love decides that they are happier without you in their life it is impossible to comprehend. It is a great stress on life.
It is also worse for the anxiety sufferer more often than not because they tend to have lower self-esteem and tend to beat themselves up over what has happened. They also have a tendency to attach themselves to people and objects, so breaking away can be all the harder.
Normally most people who get chucked go through some phases. Firstly we tend to feel shocked – this can often manifest as insomnia, agitation, inability to relax, racing mind and worry.
Then we often go into denial in which we may have relatively euphoric episodes where we believe everything is going to be ok, that we will get back together, that they still love us.
More often than not we also feel some anger and some guilt. Eventually the "just good friends" thing starts to sour (although it may come back later!).
For the anxiety sufferer, the above may be summed up in just one word: anxiety. They may just feel lots of anxiety and depression or blackness. It might be useful in these cases to look at exactly what they are thinking – just to identify and experience the correct emotion.
It might also be useful to look at the loss. When a relationship ends, we lose something, in fact we lose many things. Let me give you an example of all the losses which might add to or cause extra anxiety in your life.
Firstly you lose the love of a person, secondly you lose the physical side of the relationship. Then you lose the comfort and company.
You also lose some self esteem as you try to work out why you were rejected.
You may well lose some social standing as you feel that everyone is talking about you, laughing at you or feeling sorry for you.
You lose control because you can not choose the way the relationship will go. And control is very important to anxiety sufferers.
Finally you lose self-respect as you see that person enjoying their life more without you than with you, and inevitable entering another relationship!
The good news is, it all comes back with time. The bad news is, it feels absolutely awful! Use this negative experience to tackle some of your insecurities.