It is often asked: What can I do to stop my children inheriting my anxiety, my fear if flying, my agoraphobia. People often ask this question when they have been struggling with their own symptoms for sometime and are ready to start a family bit have a nagging fear in the back of their mind.
Genetic Link
Due the publication of various pieces of research and somewhat reckless journalism, many people who have minor mental health problems like anxiety believe their problems to be genetic. This is not entirely the case and sufferers should make sure they fully understand the research before they jump to conclusions.
False Conclusion
Anxiety is genetic. I have anxiety. I will always have anxiety as it is programmed into every cell in my body. This is the thought process of an anxiety sufferer who believes their “condition” to be genetic. It gives them nothing but hopelessness. And it is false.
Genetics may play a minor role.
Genetics may play a minor role but there is no gene that says “you have to suffer from lifelong anxiety”. It simply doesn’t exist. What may exist is genes which make you more susceptible to anxiety than others, that make anxiety your weak spot. Everyone has a weak spot: some people get severe flu every year, some have eating disorders, some have cancer…the list is endless. Whatever your weak spot, you don’t have to suffer from it just because genetically you might be at a higher risk from it than others.
Why children get their parents anxiety
There seem to be many causes of anxiety, but one factor that seems to crop up again and again is low self-esteem. I have listened to may people with anxiety describe their upbringing and more often than not it involved emotionally distant parenting. That is to say parents who, although hard working and caring, did not provide full emotional support. A story that I have heard many times is the one of a child who, when clinging to his mother is pushed away. The mother would have done better to accept his clinging, and shown the child extra love thus enabling him to explore the world knowing he was loved. Pushing a child away when they need love and attention is an example of end gaining: trying so hard to do something you sabotage yourself. If you want your child to be more confident then let them cling and let them anchor their safety in you. After all, they are only children. They will gain confidence when THEY are ready, not when you want them to.
The importance of love
There is an excellent book on providing emotional support to children for the sake of their future mental health and well being. It is called Why Love Matters and it is buy Sue Gerhardt.
If you order it from Amazon by clicking on one of these links this site will get a small commission and it won’t cost you any extra.
Related Articles.
