Just a little tip I learnt about confidence
When we have anxiety, we tend to suffer low confidence. It’s another classic “chicken and egg” scenario that you see so often in anxiety and depression related mood disorders. Does anxiety zap our confidence? Or did we develop anxiety because we had low confidence? The truth is that it’s probably different for different people. Either way, getting more confidence is important.
Obviously we act more confident when we feel more confident, but the reverse is also true. When we act more confidently we also feel more confident. Confidence is also one of those things that seem to trigger a sixth sense reaction in others. As an anxiety sufferer you can probably tell when you see someone who is feeling anxious. You probably pick up on the basic signs such as fidgeting and eyes scanning the room for danger/exits. Well, the same is true for confidence. Subtle body language let’s people know whether you are confident or nervous. The key word there is “subtle”. When you try to make big efforts to appear more confident you are in danger of alienating people and looking arrogant, aggressive or superior. That should not be your aim.
Here are two tips to help you look, come across as, and ultimately feel more confident.
Firstly, when you enter a room or approach a group of people, DO NOT keep your eyes strait ahead and try and sneak in and make a bee-line for a safe person. Instead, pause just for a second or two at the most and look around you. Then move to whomever you want to talk to a little slower than you usually would. This will show that you are not intimidated and people’s first impression (all important!!) will be of you as a confident person. That will effect how they treat you and how you in turn feel. Do this even if you don’t feel comfortable doing it! Just try to slow down and look around you a bit at first, don’t push yourself.
When you sit or position yourself amongst a group of people, try to take up more space than usual. Again, don’t go too far, spreading out too much looks arrogant and aggressive. Just be conscious of how you are holding yourself and try to make yourself a bit tall and a bit wider. Allow your legs to stretch in front of you a little. Watch other confident people and see how they hold themselves and subtly copy it. Remember to be subtle and not go too far!
