Depression – Friends and Family – What to do

Being close to someone who suffers from depression can be a lonely and frightening experience. Being in a relationship with a depressed person can deeply frustrating and agonizing.

Typical attitudes of a depressive person might include:

  • Nobody loves me
  • I am not worth anything
  • I don’t deserve you
  • I deserve a loser like myself
  • I have nothing to offer you
  • I can never be happy

So what can you do?

1-Firstly you must encourage your loved one to seek help. Depression is a solvable problem. No one has to suffer from it and the solution is out there. Often the people who struggle with depression for a long time are those who resist help, or unconsciously sabotage efforts to help them. That may sound harsh, but making a depressed person believe they are worth treating, and that they can recover, is hard task for anyone. And in today’s over-stretched healthcare systems we sadly can not rely on doctors and health workers to have sufficient time or resources to look after depressed patients.

Never try and force someone to seek help unless there is risk of them attempting suicide. Assuming there is not, GENTLY try and bring them round to the idea of reading a few books on depression, phoning one of the many helplines that are probably available in your location, or speaking to a doctor. Try and create a situation where they can easily chose to visit a therapist or counselor, make sure the final decision is theirs, it is empowering!

2-If you feel there is an imminent risk of a suicide attempt, seek help immediately. You could contact the Samaritans, the ambulance service or the police. Whatever you do, seek professional help at once!

3-Never succumbed to the temptation to lose your temper or show your frustration. As I said, it can be frustrating, but shouting and saying “why can’t you just cheer up?” is counter productive, a prime example of end-gaining, which is one of man-kinds most destructive inclinations. You want them to get better, right?

4-Show lots of love and consideration. You don’t know what depression is like. Depression can cause or be caused by low self-esteem. You can help a depressed person by raising their self-esteem, by encouraging them and letting them know you care.

5-Be patient.

6-When faced with negative statements like those listed above, gently try and persuade the sufferer to look at what they are saying and see if they can prove or refute their beliefs. For instance by asking them to point out who likes them and who doesn’t like them. It is normally hard to find people who truly hate you for no reason, yet the chances are the sufferer will be able to name a significant number of friends.

So stay calm, be encouraging, and help them challenge their negative thoughts. If they start to speak to a professional then they can get on the pathway to recovery.

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