Oftentimes, it is thought, anxiety and stress can in part be due to a lack of control. Anxiety and panicky feelings often tend to appear when life runs away with us.
Most people like things there own way. Some people are more pushy about it than others. I, for one, generally sense what others want and therefore don’t push them into doing things with me or for me that they don’t want to do. Not everyone is like that. Many people are so narrow minded and focused on their own lives that don’t notice what other people want, and assume that everyone one wants the same as them.
Another group of people just want everyone else to do what they want them to do. They will sense when people are not very good at saying no and use that to their advantage.
All of this takes control away from us.
Getting control back.
Everyone has their own problems and I would urge people not to judge those who are self-centred, narrow minded, or who use friends to their own ends. I don’t think there is much to be gained by screaming and shouting at them, and telling them how horrible they are unless there is really no other way. That said, when you realise someone is using you it might be best to lose them as a friend, unless you are really getting something from it.
The most important thing to do is to say “No”. It is the most liberating word in the English Language. The option to drawback, not participate and decline is a fundamental human right, and when it is removed we feel awful.
Practise saying no to something whenever you get a chance. Here are some tips:
- Start small Don’t take on the really evil control freaks until you have a bit of practice under your belt.
- Be polite, It’s better to say no thank you in a mild-mannered, relaxed way.
- Be immediate. Don’t dither. Once you have said “yes” or “maybe” the battle is much harder to win. When you want to decline make “no” the first word of the sentence.
- Be tenacious. Keep going, keep saying no. The more they whine, the more control freak they are and the more you need to resist.
- Give a reason. Don’t feel that you have to make an excuse, but if there is a good reason not to do something then say so. It is absolutely fine to say “I just don’t feel like it.” or “I need some space for myself”.
- Ignore sad eyes. Control freaks are great at saying “go on, do it for me” or “I thought you were my friend”. True friends don’t try and make you do things you don’t want to do (unless it’s a dire emergency).
The more proficient you become at choosing how you spend your time, the better you will feel. And the less people will make unfair demands on you.
